The fuck boy called the police

The fuck boy called the police

(part 1)


Okay so I aint gonna say no names cos “I aint no snitch” unlike him lol… so let me paint the picture for you, its New Year’s Eve (I cant even remember the year but its whatever) its New Year’s Eve we had plans to go to the big wheel and watch the fire works and then find some where to party the rest of the night away. So I got myself together looking good hair done nice fitted dress I don’t think brows were on fleek then but I looked like someones child! He looked good as well very well put together you know shirt dark jeans and them trainers that could pass for shoes but were still trainers. So we went out everything was good train station was packed of course everyone was trying to make it their destinations before midnight so everywhere was busy but we arrived on time for the count down we saw the fireworks and it was really nice, after that we decided to go to a club we made friends in the crowd and we all decided to go to the same club. The club was lit good music all night drinks flowing I’m getting my dance on you know really looking forward to my year to come, positive thoughts, positive energy!


After partying like a rock star of course I’m ready to go home and fuck like a porn star but the alcohol in my liver had other plans… this is where things start to get blurry! Now let me just say this we had been drinking a lot hennessy, ciroc, amaretto all that good shit, whinin up the place so we both knew when we get home it’s a mad ting. So on the way home I’m giving him some big chat all the things I’m gonna do when we get there and what not. We get home and I remember getting things started, getting him excited ready to bring in the new year with a bang!!

Fast forward and it’s the next morning, I wake up with a banging headache roll over  and my mans VEX face push up (I’m confused) he’s not talking much, but its clear that something is wrong with this punk. I’m trying to figure out what it is but he’s just in his phone (it was blackberry days) he’s not saying much. so I said let me make some breakfast to soak up this alcohol thats currently trying to kill me. I made a nice breakfast (you know when you season the beans, you know put in that extra effort). I bring him his food and he’s still keeping up with his fukery!


So now I’m getting pissed off with this shit he’s still in his phone not saying nothing. So now I’m demanding answers I took the phone and put it in his cup of juice since thats whats distracting you from letting me know whats up. So it turns out when we got home last night the sex session did not go to plan and I fell asleep due to my drunkness so he didn’t bust his nut the way he wanted to. so we get into the biggest argument shouting back and fourth this and that, then he’s telling me to come out of his house and I’m letting him know I’m more than happy to come out his stinking house, so I start packing up my shit but its like he wants me to come out immediately and I’m not leaving without my stuff. He then said if you don’t get out now I’m gonna take you out (sorry who’s he talking to please)  I got up walked calmly out the room, came back with a knife, gripsed him up by his neck (ask me where I got the strength from) and told him let me pack my things and I will come out your house once I’m done. I could see the fear in his eyes but I wasn’t gonna slice him up I just needed him to chill while I packed.

The fuck boy called the police

(part 2)

He’s in shock

So he left me alone . First he just sat there screwing me, maybe he was wondering how long I had been drinking protein shake to turn into the hulk on him. So anyway I’m just glad he’s chilling so I can get my stuff together. By now he was trying to fix the poor water damaged blackberry, he left the room and I thought he went to make himself a juice, fast forward twenty minutes and he comes back but he doesn’t come in, he just pokes his head round the door I didn’t think anything of it I thought he was still shook. Then he starts talking shit… telling me he’s been seeing someone else and he’s been looking for a way to get me out of his house, I was thinking well thats not the impression I got when I was coming home from work to bubble baths and steak dinners and most certainly not the vibe you was giving off when you was sexing me to every album and mixtape trey ever made BUT OKAY! All the shit he was talking did wind me up (I’m an easy wind up, I think of my comebacks after the argument and then get pissed off with myself) so i get up and go towards the door to tell him to fuck off (knife still in hand like some heediot) as I get to the door this prick moves fast and there are four police officers standing there waiting for the crazy girl waving a knife.

The hulk returns

Im thinking this cant be for real.

He really called the police on me?

You know when you have done so much shit for a person and you would never expect this from them, he really had the cheek to call babylon on me. Well, it is what it is I guess, they took me into another room so they could speak to us separately,I was actually in shock. So now I’m really pissed off and I’m just thinking I’m too pretty to go jail not just that but I was actually enjoying life everything was going well up until this point. After we “talk” they then inform me that I’m actually being arrested and taken into custody (I LOST IT) and the strength of the hulk came right back I thought ok you wanna fuck my day up, ok. I tore the room apart broke furniture done whatever I could to fuck the place up if they didn’t think I was crazy before that I changed their opinions in a split second. At this point I’m crying I couldn’t even see my mind went blank it was anger it was a build up of anger because I don’t cry over shit I’m not that sort of person “I ain’t no bitch” it took three police officers to cuff me and get me to stop I was exhausted after that shit, I cant lie. They took me out of the house.

FOUR police cars and a van just for me I wear a size 8 in clothes I’m no Griselda Blanco (google her).


When I saw the cars and the van outside I had to wonder what exactly this pussy boy told them to make them think they needed all that for little old me. Once we got to the station I had calmed down a lot and I was just thinking knife crime ain’t no joke whats really gonna happen here? The officers dealing with me were actually very nice I think they felt bad for me they must have known the dude who called them was a heediot well the Caucasian officers were cool when I got inside the black lady who was booking me in was not so nice she was trying to give me sass she clearly hadn’t read my credentials because sass is kind of my thing! The story gets a little boring from here I went to my cell I was bored I had time to think I asked if I could have a book to read (I don’t even remember what book it was but it helped pass time)  you get one phone call and obviously I called my mother manaman ah badman but you still need your mum certain times init. 

In the end he called them and told them he made it all up that i hadn’t done anything to him and our argument just got out of hand apparently there had been 10 new years eve bust ups well thats what the officer told me when they were releasing me…

Moral of the story do NOT move in with a man…


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